Melodi Leonhardt

Melodi Leonhardt


View all articles by Melodi
SEPTEMBER 25, 2011



my brother

i have to say my brother committed suicide? in SEPT OF 1982 . WHY ? WHY / WHY/ ISN'T THAT A QUESTION WE ALL ASK WHEN LEFT BEHIND TO SUFFER THE LOSS OF SOMEONE WHO TAKES THERE OWN LIFE OR WHEN SOMEONE CHOOSES TO END IT FOR THEM. I WONDER IF WHAT PAIN AND QUESTIONS THEY WILL CAUSE THEIR LOVED ONES AND FRIENDS BEHIND TO DEAL WITH EVER CROSSES THEIR MINDS? MY BROTHER NEVER GOT TO SEE MY CHILDREN OR GRANDKIDS GROW UP AND ONLY MET MY FIRST TWO AND THEY WERE BABIES.

LIVING IN OUR 'MOTHERS' HOUSE I CAN UNDERSTAND WANTING TO TAKE YOUR OWN LIFE A LITTLE BIT, BUT NOT ENOUGH TO DO IT AND MISS WHAT GOD HAS PLANNED FOR US.

WHAT GOES THROUGH SOMEONES MIND AS THEY TAKE THEIR OWN LIFE OR SOMEONE ELSES JUST BEFORE THEY DO IT? OR IS THEIR MIND BLANK EXCEPT WITH THE PAIN OR INSANITY CAUSING THE ACTION?

THEN THERE IS A CERTAIN BELIEF THAT IF ONE KILLS THEMSELVES DO THEY GO TO HEAVEN OR TO A WORSE FORM OF HELL?

I LOVED MY BABY BROTHER I NEVER GOT TO SAY GOODBYE I USED TO WRITE HIM LETTERS THAT OF COURSE I KNEW HE COULD NEVER GET.

THE DAY OF HIS FUNERAL THE 'MOTHER' AND HIS GIRLFRIEND ACTED TOTALLY STUPID AND MADE HIS FUNERAL ABOUT THEM, I LEFT.

I KNOW HIS SOUL WAS TORTURED, AS I SAT AT THE GRAVE SITE AND MY CAR STARTED JUMPING UP AND DOWN WITH FOOTPRINTS ON IT. I WOULDN'T BELIEVE IT IF I HADN'T SEEN IT, SO I DO NOT HAVE PROBLEMS WITH PEOPLE NOT BELIEVING THIS, I ALSO SAW HIM IN MY APT AND THE NEXT ONE I MOVED TO, NOT SCARY JUST HAPPENED.

BY THE GRACE OF GOD I DID NOT SEE MY BROTHERS DEAD BODY ON MY LIVING ROOM FLOOR THAT I HAD TO WALK OVER NUMEROUS TIMES, I KEPT LOOKING OUTSIDE THINKING MAYBE HE JUST SHOT HIS FOOT OR SOMETHING.

ANYWAY KELLY I LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU AND WISH YOU HAD STAYED ALIVE AND BEEN A PART OF THE LIVES OF MY CHILDREN AND GRANDCHILDREN. SOMETIMES IT STILL JUST SEEMS THAT YOU ARE NOT DEAD BUT JUST AWAY

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