Melodi Leonhardt

Have You Ever Looked In the Eyes of An Abused Child?



Posted: Saturday, October 08, 2011

by Melodi Leonhardt

have you ever looked into a childs eyes and really saw whats in them? how about an old persons eyes, can you see whats in them? what a contrast !

lets look in a childs eyes first  this child , a child who has not been abused or learned that life is not fair, this child has a home, two parents, a dog and parents who love him . what do you see in those eyes?  trust ? a sense of safety?  pureness?  love and eyes bright with life, unfaultered untainted, not a worry or bad feeling in his clear eyes.

now lets look at the eyes of a 5 year old girl who has been abused, molested and neglected. What do you see? fear? fear of you and everyone who comes near her. eyes screaming don't come near me, don't touch me, don't hurt me !! and at the same time -love me , hold me, don't leave me, make me feel safe!!  who are you ? are you someone else who is gonna violate me? try to destroy me? beat me because I was born ? beat me because I was kidnapped, when you should have been watching me , but sent me to the park alone daily so you didn't have to deal with me? leave me with a 18 year old man to watch me, who introduced me to the 'typewriter game' which confused me because i got touched and attention, and liked it and hated it at the same time?  i am 5 years old !!!!  i am confused and alone and sad and afraid!!  do you hear me I am 5 years old !! 5 years old!! hello you, the one person in my life who was supposed to keep me safe and love me, yea I am talking to you, you selfish, cold , unloving person. what gave you the right to bring me into this world without love or protection? why was i your child? how can I be your child? Where is my dad? You say he will hurt me or drop me over the boat and let me drown. Really? are you serious, that would have been a blessing!! oh and by the way, I went with him on that boat a few times ( not that you would know because you always wanted us out of your way, so while spending so much time away from you  I got to sneak off with my dad)  who never hurt me or dropped me over the side of the boat.

fear of being left alone at home in California.  yea I can clean and cook and dress myself, think for myself although my young mind is so confused and already building safety nets for myself. Trust ??  NO NOT ME, have learned you can trust or depend on NO ONE already .  my eyes are already old, my soul distorted and old, what else can you see in these eys of a 5 year old?  hopelessness?  close but not yet, because I can't let her defeat me or destroy me,,oh shes trying,, she hates me , its my fault her life sucks bla bla bla  are you serious??  I am 5 years old !!!!  do you hear me 5 years old!!!  i have no control over your sick pathetic life. I did not chose you, believe that!!    keep looking  what else do you see??  see these eyes pleading for love, attention, understanding, acceptance, safety? but not letting you get close enough to give those even if your intentions are to give those, because I can't let you hurt me!! I won't , do you understand??  try to understand ,my eyes are pleading for all the things I want and need ,but I won't let you near enough to give it to me, maybe she did destroy me, yea maybe she did.  but I want to be saved I really do  please help me   fight for me  please.  fight  fight fight  I am in here waiting !!
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